All of it - the incessant work, that inky mood, those destabilizing thoughts - had done nothing but drain me: spiritualy, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Drained is certainly the operative word, and it was a surprising sensation because, like most young adults, i assumed that energy and vitality were boundless and inexhaustible. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was unconciously convinced that one could live at this furious pace forever and do it without any serious consequences.

"The body is strong but the spirit is weak"

I am into tumultuous situation that started recently, not knowing what to do, when to do it, what to say, why am i saying it..."I am out focus" i told my self. "But how could i get my thoughts realign to my goals?" i asked again. I searched for answers, i didn't find any, i buried myself with the tasks that i have at work, but i did not find the answer, it's beginning to sink in to me that I am actually alone.

Alone in my world. A very lonely man, unable to express his real thoughts to the world, carrying a burden that he could not pass to anyone but himself, overwhelmed by the pressure passed on his knees, about to give in, but pressing on to survive hoping that it would be over very soon.

What if not? I asked myself again, so face the reality that you are weak and just go your way drop the load on the way leaving everything behind, I answered back! You are really a weakling and unable to make a stand, I told myself. my eye jewels dropped that sparkled in surrounding lights of red and green...broken dreams...unsatisfied wants...short handedness...

I want to really say goodbye to all of these, but how? NO!, i told my self, not that way, I will survive! I will persevere! I will realign my focus and act on it! I will!!

HOW? WHEN? I will!!!

While writing this, i received a text message from I do not know who saying "Malapit na ang pasko...masaya ka ba? did you say sorry na sa mga taong di mo sinasadyang masaktan? did you say "thank you na sa mga taong nagpapahalaga sa'yo? well, do this, habang maaga pa. You'll have a wonderful new year. i'll start.. Sorry sa mga kakulitan ko, masamang nagawa ko at kung nasaktan kita that's my way of showing my care for you. thank you for accepting who really i am.. i hope you'll give your forgiveness for my peace of mind.. "then i realized, Hey!!

This must be it!

When He Became My Father

My Father, an inverterate teacher, had taught me almost everything there was to know about how to lead. Words had come easily to me from the earliest days. so had social skills. I knew how to engage with people, think quickly on my feet, see issues and problems from the biggest possible perspective. By nature I was an idea man, a visionary of sorts, and i possessed an ability to persuade people to follow. Natural gift or talent. But here was the kicker - it became alarmingly clear to me that it might not always be this way. Rather, i began to intuit that there would be a change in the days to come.

"I have patterned my way of bringing up my kids from your father, he is a well rounded man, putting his family first in everything, not allowing any problems hinder achievement of his goals. He tells me always to know my goals and go for it, any circumstances that may stop me from reaching my goal is a different problem, Don't mix them up"



Well, nice one...This is not the first time that someone talk of my father this way, when they do, i hear them pause, recalling the days they've spent with my father...reminisce is the right term...then it's my time to talk.



When I think of my father, I remember him as an angry, strict, manipulator of circumstances, loving, family man.

why is the gap? i always ask myself...i maybe bitter about my past, but does he play a part of it? I dont know...maybe...still i don't know.

going back a few steps, i remember hiding in the CR of the stablishment where I used to work releasing the bitterness i have...bitter of not having my father beside me when i needed him most, why did he die so early? has always been the question...tears would flow...then take a deep breath, tension is gone...back to work

Lizards

As I went to bed today, I saw 2 lizards on the ceiling crawling after each other, then...I saw the other lizard turn around and bit the other lizard on the neck...then the other lizard fought back with his tail, the next thing i knew, the other lizard is already on top of the other. A few moments after, a lizard's tail fell on my bed. I knew it was the tail of one of the lizards on the ceiling, then i saw both lizards running away from each other, with one lizard's tail gone.

Just thinking about what may have happened...did they just have sex? I wonder!!!

What a passion!

Even if you loose parts of your body if you serve your purpose...for them...procreation...preservation...LIFE.

Fulfillment of your purpose, no matter what others may think of you, do to you, if you know your purpose, you know your goals, go for it...Even if you loose your tail.

The Rendezvous

"Have you changed your view of your day-to-day life, i don't see the sparkle on your eyes anymore, are you bored or have you lost it totally?"

These were the questions bombarded to me this morning when my aunt came for a visit. she was referring to my enthusaism. it seems according to her that it's not there anymore...

hmmm...I responded, maybe...i said again..YES i said eventully. life became routinary, go to work, home after, eat then bed...

what a life!!!

well, let's start over, let's start it with something like:

Bed...work...home...eat...

What the heck!!! it's the same...

how about

home...work...your bed...work...my bed...work...home...hmmm. PWEDE!!!!!!

I think I will go back to my childhood soon??!!!

Your wallet?!

Your ID?!

Your license?!

Same questions my siblings would ask me before i leave the house to wherever I go. just asking...when will this end?

well, it will come inevitably so they say, too early for me, I guess,?!

for as long as i remember your name when i see you would indicate that i'm still fine. For so Amanda Kunkle say, "True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Work

Work like an egyptian, for the fulfillment of your dreams and for excellence.

Life is a Choice

Life is a Choice

It is likely that we've already heard this statement from anyone, friends, priests, teachers, guidance counselors, probably family members. But Have you really paid attention to this statement? what are your thoughts about it? Life is a choice...hmmmm...probably its good to define what's the definition of choice - that mental process of thinking involved with the process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one for action. This is also an action based on one's volition, will, desire. Simple examples can involve choosing goodness or wickedness in personal behaviour, or selecting a given route to make a journey across a country. having the word Choice defined, is it true that life is really a choice? if it is then we have the choice to live or to die, to go or to stay, to rob or not to rob, to be hungry or to be full, to be anything that we want. If this is true, then all street rats chose to be street rats and all homosexuals chose to be homosexuals. While this is true, I can therefore strongly state that whatever we are experiencing right now is a result of the choices we made in life. Be careful with the choices we make then, it may not just work for us.


Better Choices

Just for today, decide to be happy. to live with what is yours. If you could not have what you want, maybe you could like what you already have.Just for today, decide to be kind. Be cheerful. Be agreeable. Be Understanding. Be your best. Dress your best. Talk Softly. Look for the bright side of things. Praise people instead of criticizing them. Just for today. Try it. After all, its just for a day. Who knows you might like it and do it again tomorrow :)

I have started dreaming about my friends and the people around me lately. This started about a week or 2 ago. I've dreamed about friends waiving their hands to me from a distance with all smile on their faces; friends who've been scolding me because of things i am not sure about and acquaintances who gives me a hug. These made me start thinking about the people that i've met all through life. elementary classmates, high school classmates, friends, Fraternity Brods and everyone. its cool to remember all those sort of crazy things that we've shared together, the ideals of young people, the arguments of the unlearned, the desires of the unsatisfied, the jest of the moments; funny...crazy...my thoughts...never my life