All of it - the incessant work, that inky mood, those destabilizing thoughts - had done nothing but drain me: spiritualy, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Drained is certainly the operative word, and it was a surprising sensation because, like most young adults, i assumed that energy and vitality were boundless and inexhaustible. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was unconciously convinced that one could live at this furious pace forever and do it without any serious consequences.

"The body is strong but the spirit is weak"

I am into tumultuous situation that started recently, not knowing what to do, when to do it, what to say, why am i saying it..."I am out focus" i told my self. "But how could i get my thoughts realign to my goals?" i asked again. I searched for answers, i didn't find any, i buried myself with the tasks that i have at work, but i did not find the answer, it's beginning to sink in to me that I am actually alone.

Alone in my world. A very lonely man, unable to express his real thoughts to the world, carrying a burden that he could not pass to anyone but himself, overwhelmed by the pressure passed on his knees, about to give in, but pressing on to survive hoping that it would be over very soon.

What if not? I asked myself again, so face the reality that you are weak and just go your way drop the load on the way leaving everything behind, I answered back! You are really a weakling and unable to make a stand, I told myself. my eye jewels dropped that sparkled in surrounding lights of red and green...broken dreams...unsatisfied wants...short handedness...

I want to really say goodbye to all of these, but how? NO!, i told my self, not that way, I will survive! I will persevere! I will realign my focus and act on it! I will!!

HOW? WHEN? I will!!!

While writing this, i received a text message from I do not know who saying "Malapit na ang pasko...masaya ka ba? did you say sorry na sa mga taong di mo sinasadyang masaktan? did you say "thank you na sa mga taong nagpapahalaga sa'yo? well, do this, habang maaga pa. You'll have a wonderful new year. i'll start.. Sorry sa mga kakulitan ko, masamang nagawa ko at kung nasaktan kita that's my way of showing my care for you. thank you for accepting who really i am.. i hope you'll give your forgiveness for my peace of mind.. "then i realized, Hey!!

This must be it!